Killer Bees

We've had great weather the last couple of days here in central Alabama. Sunny and cool, low forties at sunrise topping out about the mid-sixties. Good weather to be outside.

I've been cruising timber both days. Foresters cruise lots of timber. It's a fundamental part of the job. I've always thought the terminology was a little misleading though. "Cruising" kind of sounds like I'm riding around in a candy apple red '59 Thunderbird with a cute girl with a pony tail, listening to the Beach Boys, on our way to the Dairy Queen for burgers, fries and a shake. No such luck. "Cruising" is forester lingo for appraising trees and timber. It involves walking back and forth across a property, stopping at defined intervals to measure all trees in a designated area. It allows the forester to estimate the value of the timber by systematically measuring a sample (or subset) of trees, rather than measuring every tree on the property. It is a great job if you like quiet and don't mind being alone. Not so great if you have a short attention span or are easily bored by repetition. I enjoy it when the weather's cool and the woods are pretty. I hate it when it's hot (above 80 degrees) and the woods are brushy.

One benefit of the quiet is that it allows my mind to wander. Among the things I wondered today was "whatever happened to the killer bees?"

Back in the late 1970's and early '80's, there was a lot of media coverage about africanized bees that were supposed to be gradually migrating from South America to the southern U.S. These "killer bees" were considered to be very dangerous because they built massive hives and were much more aggressive than our honey bees, often attacking in large swarms that could actually kill animals and humans. The media hype was extensive--the predictions drastic and horrifying. The killer bees would change outdoor life in the South as we knew it. It was only a matter of time.

There were even a few bad B-movies that depicted this plague of winged invaders (kind of like we are seeing with climate change today). My personal favorite showed all the horrors of the infestation of Houston. Chaos in the streets. People trapped in their homes and cars or stung to death. The city was finally saved, however, when the bees were lured into the Astrodome, where a quick-thinking hero turned on the air conditioner and froze the entire swarm.

The original cast of Saturday Night Live also picked up on the hype. One of my favorite skits of all time was John Belushi and the gang, dressed up in ridiculous bee costumes. The recurring skit always involved the over-sized bees breaking into homes and businesses, with the terrified occupants crying "who ARE you?" The camera would zoom in on Belushi, who answered in a Mexican bandito accent: "We are the keeler beees."

Despite the hype, I'm glad to report I've yet to encounter any killer bees. I'm hoping I won't. I have enough trouble with thorn vines, greenbriars and yellow jackets.